Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Happy New Year! It's Just Not That Simple

Dear Jordy-Bug,

Wow. I've really slacked on writing to you, and I apologize for that. I guess I needed down time more than I realized, probably because the holidays hit me like a ton of bricks. Daddy and I pretty much avoided everything. We were both sick the entire week of Christmas, so it didn't take much for us to decide to stay on the couch together and forego all the "joyful festivities."

New Years was just as laid back, but probably even more bitter sweet. Friend after friend (with the best of intentions) told me things like, "Soon it will be 2013 and you can forget all about 2012" or "I bet you're glad to see 2012 go!" or even "Now you can tell 2012 to suck it!" Initially, I agreed and thought I would be happy for a new year to begin, but I soon realized that I didn't feel that way at all.

Everyone remembers how "awful" 2012 was for our family, but it actually got off to an amazing start. Nearly a hundred friends came out for the 40th birthday/diaper party that Daddy held for us in early January. Friends and family threw several baby showers in January and February to welcome you. Daddy and I anxiously prepared for your arrival in March. Then, we got to meet you on the blessed day you were born. Obviously, things didn't turn out as we had planned with regard to your birth, but those fourteen days we had with you in the NICU were the most precious days of our lives.

April through December were absolutely horrible. As we grieved intensely for you, it seemed like one thing after another tried to beat us down. Among other things, a couple of our friends lost their children too, while several others lost a parent or grandparent. Grandpa Nockerts got seriously ill and was hospitalized, and Grandma Nockerts fell off a stool and ended up with severe pain and a concussion.

Even with all of the heartache, 2012 was a year that I will never ever wish away. 2012 was the only time we got to hold you in our arms. It was the only time we could bathe you, change your diaper, or comb your lovely hair. It was the only time we could share you with friends and family. For all of these things, I am forever grateful for the year that ended up ravaging our family.

We love you, baby girl. Thank you for those two loving weeks in 2012. Please watch over us in 2013.

Love,
On March 14, 2012, I gave birth to Jordyn, the most beautiful baby girl ever. During delivery, however, she was deprived of oxygen. We lived with her in the NICU for two weeks, loving her, holding her, reading to her, singing to her, bathing her, changing her diapers, styling her full head of dark brown hair, praying over her, and sharing her with friends and family, until she went home to Jesus on March 28, 2012. These are my love letters to Jordyn Tyse-Dallas "TD" Sander; our little Jordy-Bug.