I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I love watching your little sister do just about anything...play with her toes, suck on her finger, explore her toys and books, grab at the kitties, bounce in her Jumparoo, sing herself to sleep, or even just stare at Daddy with her big blue eyes. Lots of people say, "I can't wait until my baby [crawls, walks, talks, etc.], but I am content to enjoy Joslyn right now, right where she is developmentally. It sounds cliché, but I cherish every moment that I get to watch her become who she is going to be...and I regret the time I don't get to spend with her.
This thought process, of course, always brings me back to you. I look at your photos while I'm holding her, acutely aware that the images will never change. You'll never age. Ever. I wonder what you'd be doing if you were still here with us and what your 6-month, 1-year, and soon-to-be 2-year photos would look like. As Joss grows and develops, it makes me increasingly sad that we don't get to see you do the same. I hope and I pray that when (if?) I get to heaven, God lets me play back your life (even if it's on fastforward) so that I can watch you grow up too.
It's pretty evident that your sister is a mini-Daddy, and I'm becoming more and more convinced that you are my mini-Me. I'd like the chance to see how that all plays out.
I love you with all my heart, Bug.
Love,
The Heaven thing is a When, Kelly. Definitely WHEN. You will see her and hold her and have to share her because the rest of us are going to want a chance too.
ReplyDelete- Janelle
I a hoping Jordyn and grandpa are hamming it up. He loved all his grand kids, but the girls had a special place in his heart, just as you did as a "Daddy's Girl: God does things for a reason and one day we will know why. in the meantime let us enjoy Jordy's "Little Sister" as she grows and matures. Savor every moment and keep sharing those caught on film with us. Love .......Mom X O
ReplyDeleteThank you both. :)
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteThank you....thank you for helping me see that there is hope after the loss of a child..and that it is okay to want another child. I lost my dear Emily after delivering her 3 months early due to incompetent cervix on 11/9/13. My husband and I desperately want a sibling for Emily. I love how you write letters to Jordyn. It's something I am thinking about starting. Thank you.
I am so deeply sorry that Emily is not in your arms. It's not fair and it sucks. :/
ReplyDeleteThank you for wiring this. As I read it aloud to my husband, I cried. I still have lots of tears after almost two years. But I also have hope; hope in the next life where I will be reunited with Jordyn, and hope in this life with her sister Joslyn, my husband, and our supportive family and friends. It took time for me to get to this point, but I did it. You can do it, too. I truly believe that. <3