Friday, May 29, 2015

"Notes of Hope"

Dear Jordy-Bug,

Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support is creating a "Notes of Hope" campaign that encourages bereaved parents, grandparents, siblings, family/friends and professionals to write a love note or poem to our children that will be published in a digital keepsake journal in October during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I'll admit that it took me a long time to sit down and write the letter. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because I'm consumed with Joslyn and Tysen. Maybe it's because I wanted to find the exact right words to say to you. Maybe it's because I miss you so freaking much that no letter is going to do justice to those feelings. I don't know the exact reason, but I finally sat down and wrote it tonight after tucking your brother and sister into bed.
  
Here's the final product:

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In memory of Jordyn Tyse-Dallas Sander ~ 3.14.2012 - 3.28.2012

Dear Jordy-Bug,

Three years. Wow. It seems like an eternity since we last held you in our arms. A lot has happened since you came into our world on March 14, 2012 and left so soon after. We said good bye for now to Grandpa Nockerts in July 2013, and two weeks later on August 1st we welcomed your little sister Joslyn. Your younger brother Tysen was born eighteen months after that in February 2015. Needless to say, it’s been a busy few years. Although we love your "rainbow" siblings with all of our being, we sure do miss our little Bug.


Your sister and brother are too young to understand your story, but Joslyn recognizes you in your photos and calls you "Sissy." When she sees a ladybug, she says "Bug!" and then "Sissy!" Often she stands in front of your curio cabinet, staring at your urn and trinkets. It warms our hearts that she’s getting to know her big sister; it's really remarkable how she has taken to you and your things.

Parenting a child in heaven and two on earth is an emotional balancing act. It breaks our hearts when we think about everything we're missing in your life, while we celebrate all the milestones in your siblings’ lives. We pray that what we miss with you will be made up when we finally join you in your heavenly home. Until then, we hope we do you proud while raising Joss and Tyse. Our promise to you is that they will continue to learn about you, grow to love you, and help us keep your memory alive.

Please give Grandpa lots of hugs and kisses, and know that we love and miss you more than anyone can imagine.

All our love,

Daddy (Dennis), Mommy (Kelly), Joslyn, & Tysen
xoxo
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It's been so long since I've written anything, I'm not even sure if it's coherent. Or worthy of you. But I did the best I could considering my procrastination (it's due tomorrow, by the way.) I try to honor God in all I do...and I strive to make you proud, too. I hope you like it, Bug.

All my love, 

4 comments:

  1. I am so proud of the profound growth you've experienced as a person since meeting and falling so deeply in love with Jordy. Her short, brilliant life changed you in such positive and meaningful ways. I just love you all so.

    ReplyDelete

On March 14, 2012, I gave birth to Jordyn, the most beautiful baby girl ever. During delivery, however, she was deprived of oxygen. We lived with her in the NICU for two weeks, loving her, holding her, reading to her, singing to her, bathing her, changing her diapers, styling her full head of dark brown hair, praying over her, and sharing her with friends and family, until she went home to Jesus on March 28, 2012. These are my love letters to Jordyn Tyse-Dallas "TD" Sander; our little Jordy-Bug.