Today I thought about this blog and how I hadn't posted in a while...and felt guilty. My internal dialogue went something like this: "But I don't have anything to say. Yet I have a million things to say. So, why haven't I written?" Does it mean I don't want to talk to you or about you? No. Unequivocally no. I want nothing more. But I'm starting to sense that those around me are no longer okay with me talking about you. I don't know if it's because I'm with different people now that I've gone back to work and they're uncomfortable with the topic and because I cry when I speak, or because nearly five months have passed and people have hit their limit on patience. Sometimes when I start to talk, I can almost hear the other person thinking, "Just shut up about your daughter!" But I will never shut up about you. I can't. I love you, I miss you, and I want to honor your memory. If nothing else, I will always talk to Daddy about you. He never tires of his sweet little girl.
On a less frustrating note, Daddy and I feel so blessed by the outpouring of love from our friends and family during the Day of Hope yesterday. We received over 100 photos of candles that were lit in remembrance of you and for all the other dear children who have lost their lives far too soon. I wonder if you saw all the flickering flames from heaven. What a sight that must have been. In case you missed some of them, I've included a few here. I'm also in the process of creating collages of all of the candles and will post them on Facebook for everyone to see soon. I hope the gesture made you smile, sweetheart. I bet you have a beautiful smile. I can't wait to see it for myself.
I love you, baby girl.
Love,
I feel the same Kel, but you can always, ALWAYS talk about Jordy with me. Promise! xoxox
ReplyDeleteThank you. And you can always talk about Loken.
DeleteBahahaha i spelt my name wrong :D
Deletexoxoxox
I didn't judge. ;)
DeleteNever ever will I tire of hearing of Jordyn. Sometimes I scan my news feed just to see a post from you.
ReplyDeleteThat warms my heart. :) (Though I'm not sure who posted this because I'm not familiar with "ephstop43.)
DeleteLOVED all the candle pics. Absolutely precious. I'm so happy that you received so much support and love from your friends.
DeleteAnd for what it's worth, I highly doubt people are tired of hearing about your sweet girl. ♥
Thanks, Tricia! :)
DeleteWe will never forget nor tire of hearing about Jordyn. I feel honored to be able to have seen her and touched her, for she has touched me. Do not be silent...Scream from the mountain tops if you have to. the sound of Jordyn on your voice is something the world needs to hear.
ReplyDeleteOh Sean...thank you. :')
DeleteShe will always be in our hearts & we will always carry the memory of her beautiful face. You never have to let go of her Kelly or Dennis. My heart aches for the both of you & I cry for your pain. I pray for you to continue on through life until you can be together again. God Bless you both.
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much. Again, I don't know who I'm talking to...I gotta get you all to sign these wonderful comments. :)
DeleteI liked all of the candles for Jordyn. I know that she enjoyed them too. I enjoy reading your posts for Jordy. I only wish that everyone could enjoy smiles and laughter from you once again. I do see your healing by way of this blog. True friends remain constant and always available, if you need something- just ask.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cindy. :)
DeleteDon't ever stop sharing Kelly. Sometimes people do get uncomfortable and that's ok. It doesn't mean they don't want to hear. We are so hard on ourselves. Don't beat yourself up. You keep on doing what you need to do and what your heart tells you to do. Cathy Brannum
ReplyDeleteI know you understand, Cathy.
DeleteWhenever you need an ear to just listen a shoulder to cry on or just a hug, know that I am here for you. Praying for continued peace, healing and strength for you both!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brett. We appreciate the prayers.
DeleteYou can talk about Jordy any time of the day or night with me, I am always thinking of that sweet Angel. It seems like just yesterday I was playing with her toes and fingers. She is missed by so many and they are such caring, loving friends. Love your Blog, don't wait so long for the next one.
ReplyDeleteI know you are, mom. I love you.
DeleteNo,Kelly, no one wants you to shut up about Jordyn. The look you see is concern and love. It is very hard to see you hurting the way you are and know that there is absolutely nothing we can do to make it better. It's a very helpless feeling. Keep talking, keep blogging, keep facebooking and keep healing. We will all be here for you for the rest of your life so you will always have someone to lean on and talk to whether it's a good day (and there will be good days, even if it doesn't seem like it now) or a bad day. Stay strong, beautiful lady!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're very sweet, Tammy. Thank you.
DeleteAdd me to the list if people who check Facebook just for an update from you. The voice that says no one cares about you or Dennis or Jordyn is lying!!! Keep writing these beautiful words in memory of your beautiful daughter!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think no one cares...I just think people don't want to be thrust into the awkwardness of my pain.
DeleteThank you for your continued love and support.
I would never expect you to "shut up" about Jordyn. I can't shut up about my girls. I can understand you not wanting to shut up about yours. Your love for Jordyn is just as real, genuine, and valid as anyone else's love for their children.
ReplyDelete--Janelle
PS- I'm finally posting on the blog. Aren't you proud of me? However, it seems I can only post as anonymous...
Very proud, Janelle. :)
DeleteI am thinking Jordy must be saying, "Mommy, if you think that is cool...wait until you get to see the lights up here with me!!!" She must be so proud of how you are keeping her memory strong in how you lift others up in this walk. I truly believe your honesty has and will help others to be honest with their own walks in child loss or in life in general. Keep praying sistah, God is always with you!
ReplyDelete