Monday, September 10, 2012

Grandparents' Day

Dear Jordy-Bug,

Well, sweet girl, it's been a while since I wrote...I apologize for that. It isn't because I'm not thinking about you every minute of every day, because believe me, I am. I'm just struggling with that same nagging feeling that I don't have much worth saying. As I type this, though, I realize that even if you didn't have anything interesting to tell me, I'd still want to hear everything you have to say. So, I should do you that same service. My only issue, then, is that there are still things on my mind that I'm not ready to tell the world. Those things we'll keep between us in our daily "chats," okay? (I wonder how crazy that last statement made me sound? Let's be real, though. Whether or not you can hear me talk to you, I talk to you. How could I not? I talk to your photos, your Jordy-Bug stuffed animal, your Jordyn Bear from Molly Bears, your Lady Bug locket, your memorabilia in your curio cabinet, the lady bug embellishments people have made for us...and I talk to the air, praying you'll hear me when I tell you how much I love you and miss you.)

Yesterday was Grandparents' Day. I sent Grandma & Grandpa Nockerts and Grandma & Grandpa Sander each a heart collage containing several of your photos. It's the background screen I have on my iPad and I thought they'd like to have a copy. When Grandma Nockerts messaged me to thank me, I cried. I replied to her message with "You're welcome. I'm just sorry she won't ever be able to give you anything herself." And I cried some more. It hit me hard that Daddy and I aren't the only ones who are going to miss out on watching you grow up. There are others who truly love and miss you, and are suffering too. They aren't going to get mushy, wet kisses and big, loving hugs when they come through the door of our home for a visit. On their birthdays, they don't get the pleasure of opening homemade cards made by your sweet little hands. When Christmas rolls around, they will miss out on the joy of watching your face light up when you open your presents. There will be no weekend trips out to their homes to get your fair share of spoiling and special bonding time. They don't get to cheer you on at your first softball game or dance recital. They will have no opportunity to watch you receive your little diploma at your Kindergarten graduation. They won't receive an invitation to Grandparents' Day at your school. No special bouquet of dandelions picked by you especially for them. No birthday parties with a smiling, happy Jordyn to sing to. No taking an embarrassing amount of pictures at your prom...or your wedding. No beaming with pride at your high school graduation ceremony. No college send-off party...

I pray that they get to do all of these things with you when they get to heaven. I pray we ALL get to do these things with you some day. Note: If you are one of the people who love and miss her, please "get right" with God...you don't automatically go to heaven because you're a "good person." You have to have faith and commit to following the teachings of Jesus. Jordyn wants to meet you, thank you, and hug you for being such amazing family and friends to her Mommy and Daddy.

It's time to dry my tears, get off my soap box, and go make some dinner for your Daddy. He'll be home in an hour or so from football practice and he'll be exhausted and hungry. A shower, a hot meal, and then it's off to bed to do it all over again tomorrow. Please watch over your Daddy, honey. He needs you. And so do I.

I love you, Bug.

Love,
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8 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2012 at 6:25 PM

    Beautiful thoughts. And Kelly, there is nothing crazy about talking to the ones we love, whether they are here or in Heaven. My Dad has been in Heaven for 14 years, and I still talk to him about things.
    I love how you never forget to witness in the midst of everything else. (of course, that is probably because Jesus IS in the midst of everything.
    Don't ever think that you have nothing worthwhile to say. You have much to say and I think that God has a lot to say through you.
    I love the grandparents collage of Jordyn.
    Hugs to ya.
    Cathy Gieselman

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    Replies
    1. KellySeptember 11, 2012 at 8:48 AM

      Thanks, Cathy. That makes me feel a little less nuts.

      Delete
  2. dstokesSeptember 10, 2012 at 6:27 PM

    I love you, Jordyn! I really do think about you everyday and hate that the excitement of meeting you that I shared with others seems wasted. I hate that Fitz and I threw your mommy that super fun shower and the memories from it are just painful reminders that the celebration so senselessly turned into grief. But I know that it was not really in vain because I love your mommy, and most importantly, I know that our Lord God works all things for good to those who love him.

    I have a list of people I'd like to have a meal and conversation with when I get to Heaven. You, Jordyn, are on that list. I look forward to our meeting!

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  3. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    Nothing about you is crazy, Kelly. NOTHING! You have a beautiful little girl who is a very real part of your life. I too am sorry for the things you will miss. I will miss getting all of our little ones together and watching them play while we catch up.
    I also loved Dana's comments.
    Prayers always.
    -Janelle

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    Replies
    1. KellySeptember 11, 2012 at 8:50 AM

      I shouldn't read these comments 10 minutes before I have to be in a meeting...tears. Thank you, Janelle.

      Delete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2012 at 9:37 PM

    It is hard to type through tears. Your comments where beautiful as was the banner you made for us. I wonder how many times Jordyn giggles at the things we do and say about her. She surely knows she is loved by many. She will have to be like the Walmart greeter tending the pearly gates. My only wish is she watch over you and her daddy, keep you health, safe and bring some happiness into your world again

    Love...Grandma and Grandpa Nocks

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On March 14, 2012, I gave birth to Jordyn, the most beautiful baby girl ever. During delivery, however, she was deprived of oxygen. We lived with her in the NICU for two weeks, loving her, holding her, reading to her, singing to her, bathing her, changing her diapers, styling her full head of dark brown hair, praying over her, and sharing her with friends and family, until she went home to Jesus on March 28, 2012. These are my love letters to Jordyn Tyse-Dallas "TD" Sander; our little Jordy-Bug.