Vacation

Dear Jordy-Bug,

Back in January or February, Daddy and I made plans for all three of us to visit my side of the family in Wisconsin over Fourth of July week. We were excited about showing you off to Uncle Steve and Aunt Bonnie, and to introduce you to your cousins Brett, Alex, Emma, and Leah. Our friends Kevin and Dee were anxiously awaiting meeting you too! When you went to heaven at the end of March, those plans changed. I just couldn't face the trip without you. So, Daddy and I decided to get away a little closer to home. Some of Daddy's friends offered us their house in Blue Springs, so we decided to venture out to Kansas City for a couple of days. Leaving behind your urn and all of your special things was really difficult, but I knew Fitz would take good care of your things, the house, and the kitties while we were gone. Even so, I cried a lot in the car on the way over there. I just couldn't shake the thought that you should be in the backseat cooing away or fussing in your car seat. We stopped for lunch at Steak N Shake, where I had a mini-meltdown because there were a few things wrong with my burger. Before you left, I would have dealt with it. Now that you're gone, I can't handle even the smallest problems. Daddy is always so patient with me, though. I'm lucky to have him for a husband. You're lucky to have him for a Daddy. He would have taken such good care of you if he had the chance. He takes such good care of me. In fact, he just handed me a tissue because I'm crying as I type this.

After dinner on Monday evening, we went for a swim in the neighborhood pool. There, a couple was playing with their young son and baby girl. I couldn't help but stare at them and imagine us doing the same with you. We didn't stay at the pool long. On Tuesday, we went to the aquarium and I kept imagining pushing your stroller through the exhibits and watching your little face light up when you saw all the colorful fish and funny looking creatures. On Wednesday, we headed to the water park, where I wished we could all go into the baby pool areas and splash around with the other little ones and their happy, proud parents. Thursday was our museum day. We visited the WWI Museum, where we saw a little girl (around 4 years old) who was bored beyond belief. It occurred to me that you would have had a really good nap during that time. I also made a mental note to avoid boring places when there are little kiddos in tow. LOL. After dinner, we headed back to the pool. We met a nice couple with a 6-year-old son. The mother asked us if we had any children. My heart swelled. Daddy told her that we have a daughter...I don't remember much after that except that she apologized for upsetting us. What she didn't understand is that she didn't upset us; we love to talk about you (even when we cry.) Unfortunately, it's incredibly uncomfortable for others to hear about your story.

Overall, it was a really up and down vacation. I was happy to get away from home and spend lots of time with Daddy, and the famous "Kansas City Barbecue" was awesome, but I missed you so much. Every little baby girl, every hair bow, every woman with a pregnant belly, every store selling girly stuff, every happy mom and dad, every...everything reminded me of you...reminded me that we should have been in Wisconsin and you should have been there with us. Someday, we'll have our vacation together. It will be in a place so beautiful, so perfect, that we won't need an expensive water park to have the time of our lives. Until we are able to hold you in heaven, sweetheart, know that Mommy and Daddy love you.

Love,