Yesterday, Daddy and I spent the day with the Sander side of the family for Thanksgiving. Although I was worried about the holiday without you, it was an "OK" day. We enjoyed each others' company, watched some football, went to visit your brick at the Angel of Hope, and had a lovely meal. I thought of you often and missed you terribly, but I didn't cry. Daddy struggled at times, but he kept it together as well. In our world, that's a pretty good day.
Today is the official beginning of the Christmas season. It is also the first day of Daddy's annual two-day stint at the Edward Jones Dome to watch the Missouri State High School Football Championship games. So, it has not been a good day for Mommy. There have been lots of tears. In fact, I'm struggling to find anything to be thankful for today.
The thought of Christmas without you makes us die a little more inside. Daddy and I just can't bear to celebrate this holiday without you. You were supposed to be experiencing all of the magic of the season for the first time with us. Instead, you'll be celebrating in heaven and we'll be mourning on earth. We're not putting up a tree, hanging stockings, setting out the nativity scene and other festive decorations, or hanging twinkling Christmas lights like we had planned before you were born. Except for a couple ornaments we found specially for you, Christmas doesn't exist here this year. We're not sending Christmas cards (this is particularly heartbreaking, because we intended to have your sweet little self dressed in your Christmas best on the front of the card.) We're not even going to Grandma and Grandpa Sander's or to church on Christmas Eve. Instead, we found a condo in Panama City Beach where we're going to try to get away from life for a while, avoid Christmas and our birthdays, and honor you privately. Maybe we'll see a ladybug or two while we're down there in the warmer climate, since we still haven't seen any here in Missouri.
So, after all that, I guess what I'm thankful for is that others will have a joyous Christmas season, even if we won't. We miss and love you so much it hurts, Bug.
Love,
Pray that you find the peace you need while you are on your trip. Imagine the beautiful Christmas Jordyn will have celebrating with the Savior Himself. I know that does lessen you missing her, but it helped me after my Dad died. Love ya Kelly.
ReplyDeleteCathy Gieselman
That image is the only thing keeping me going many days. Love you, too, Cath.
DeleteI sam sad to hear you are not having a family Christmas with the Sander Family, but perhaps it is better the way you are planning it. I am sorry I cannot be there. You can be Jordyn will be singing Christmas Songs with the other Angels. Praying for all of us at this time of the year. Love..MOM
ReplyDelete:'( oh Kel, i know exactly how you are feel about it all. Getting away sounds like a good idea, i might suggest that to shaun.
ReplyDeleteLots of Love oxoxox
xo
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