Today was not a bad day, not a great day either. It wouldn't be one that I would blog about to you, but I'm thankful that I could if I wanted to. So many of Mommy's friends encouraged me to do this soon after you died. At first, I didn't really see a point because I don't like to journal (writing can be a chore for me) and I didn't think that I had anything worth saying to the whole world. I still don't believe I have much to say most days. But I gave it a try.
Much like Facebook, this blog has become a blessing to me. While you were in the NICU, I turned to Facebook to communicate with friends and family and to enlist their prayers. After you died, it became a haven for me to be able to have much-needed contact with people who cared, without having to leave the house before I was ready to do so. The blog serves a similar and equally important purpose. I talk to you about the good, the bad, the overwhelming...and our friends show their support by reading, commenting, crying, and/or praying for us. It lifts my spirits to read the comments that people leave on here and to know that someone still cares.
Lots of bereaved parents we've met tell us that their support system eventually started to wane, and some said it disappeared altogether. A few said it happened within weeks, many others said months, while a couple lucky ones still have some close friends who never gave up on them and continue to talk about their children. I hope that our support system stays strong for a long, long time, because Mommy and Daddy need it to. We need to know that people still care. That they remember you. That they love us. That they won't give up on us. This life has become immensely lonely for Daddy and me, sweet one. So it is of great comfort to have our friends and family still rallying around us, loving us, giving us hugs, and holding our hands. Even if it is done virtually...on a silly little blog.
I hope you like the blog, sweetheart. Writing it makes me cry, but it's because it is filled with love for you. Love that I can't show you to your face. Just like our faraway friends and family who can't be "there for us" in person, writing it is a way for me to love you, give you a hug, and hold your precious little hand. I love you, baby girl.
Love,
You're an amazing mother, Kelly. Amazing! I will never see a ladybug again and not think and pray for you, Dennis, and Jordyn.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI sit with tears in my eyes as I read this but my heart is filled with love!! We will never forget beautiful Jordyn or stop praying for you and Dennis!!
ReplyDeleteHugs from Marinette!!
Erin Olson
You have a good heart, Erin. Thank you.
DeleteOnce again your words have brought tears in my eyes, but has filled my heart with more love than you can imagine. If Jordyn were still with us she would be the most spoiled little girl on earth. I hope her Great Grandma Thyes and Great Grandma Nockerts are spoiling her in Heaven. She is enjoying your blogs you can be sure of that, because they are filled with love, kindness and understanding.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work.
Love Mom (Grandma) Nockerts
Thanks mom...that means a lot to me. Love you.
DeleteSo glad to see you blogging, I hope it continues to bring you comfort. Think of you and Jordyn often. Take care and hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kel. :)
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