Today, Daddy and I had a very lazy Saturday. We hung out on the couch and watched a few shows from the DVR and then turned on college football. We dozed on and off most of the day. During one of those naps, I dreamed of you. In the dream, we were at home with Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa Nockerts were visiting. You could walk and talk, but you were no bigger than a one-year old. You were a little crabby, but very cuddly. I asked you if you had taken a nap while you were on a play date with a friend and her mommy. You sleepily and sadly said "no," nuzzling deeper into my chest. My heart melted.
Then I woke up. I felt love, peace, and disappointment all at the same time.
The dreams of you don't come as often as I would like, but when they do, I feel so lucky and thankful. I cherished even the first few dreams where you looked healthy, but we knew you were going to die. They devastated me, but they also allowed me to see you again. Dreaming is the only time I can hold you, smell you, cuddle you, and tell you to your face that I love you. Some day my dreams will come true and I'll hold you in heaven. I can't wait for that. Mommy loves you sweet angel.
Love,
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